


Swallow the Sun

by valkyriered



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Creation Myth, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-23 03:54:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10711659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valkyriered/pseuds/valkyriered
Summary: Shiro has a panic attack. Kolivan tells him a story. Very background Shiro/Ulaz.





	Swallow the Sun

**Author's Note:**

> Title from here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LWKCCR-JzY
> 
> BIG shoutout to demenior for helping me with this one. <3

When Shiro gets nightmares, he has a few specific spots that he’ll go to.  
  
Sometimes he’ll go take a shower if he can’t stop shaking. Sometimes, when he needs to be touched and reassured, he’ll climb into Ulaz’s bed. Sometimes he’ll fight the battle bot until he’s exhausted enough to sleep again. And sometimes, when he’s feeling claustrophobic and jittery and can’t seem to catch his breath, he’ll go to the bridge.  
  
He’ll pull up starmaps and holograms of planets and speed them up just to watch them lazily orbit each other. He’ll watch recreations of black holes eating each other, of galaxies that have been observed that he never thought possible. He pointedly avoids the homesickness that comes with looking at what’s familiar.  
  
So when he wakes up screaming and clawing at his pillow, it comes with no surprise, only resignation. He wipes the sweat off of his face and changes his shirt to something more dry and wanders out into the hall. His breath is coming in quick pants, and no matter how much air he gulps down he can’t seem to breathe. He briefly considers Ulaz’s room, but he’s already taken too much advantage of his hospitality. Ulaz barely slept last night because he stayed up so late stroking Shiro’s hair and talking him down. It wouldn’t be fair to keep him up another night.  
  
The bridge it is, then. Shiro rests his hand against the wall as he walks, both to balance himself and as an effort to keep himself even slightly present. There have been times when he’s disassociated so aggressively after nightmares that he comes to at the noise of the Paladins getting up for breakfast, only to realize he’s been out of it for hours.  
  
He swallows and rubs his face with his hand. _Wake up_. His heart is still pounding against his chest, and he leans against the wall more heavily. He briefly considers going back to bed, but the idea of staring at the dark ceiling, alone with his thoughts, is more frightening than anything. He pushes onward. He can hear the unsteady slap of his feet against the metal floor, but the sound doesn’t quite register as his own. Even the feeling of the wall against his arm is distant. He knows he’s having an episode, and if he had a comm this would usually be the point when he’d ask Ulaz to come get him, but he’s terrifyingly alone in the expanse of the Castle, and there’s nobody to come get him, and there’s nothing he can do.  
  
He lets out a shuddered sigh of relief when he finally makes it to the bridge. It’s vast and open and his eyes flutter shut as he slumps against the wall. The worst of the panic is over, and he swallows past it, content to let himself take a break.  
  
“Shiro?”  
  
He screams, jerking back from the source of the noise and falling on his ass as his arm lights up. It’s terrifying and embarrassing and his vision tunnels as he tries, vainly, to manage his breathing. He presses his human hand to his face. His exhausted, panicked brain catches up with him, recognizing Kolivan’s voice and face. Shiro’s arm powers down.  
  
He can feel Kolivan’s gaze on him from where he’s standing at the center of the bridge. He doesn’t bother with asking why Kolivan is awake— probably working on plans, or something. Kolivan doesn’t say anything, though. When Shiro finally removes his hand from his face, Kolivan is looking back down at his datapad, brows slightly furrowed.  
  
“Sorry.” Shiro says, and his voice is rough, and he’s still shaking as he climbs to his feet. Kolivan eyes him.  
  
“Do not apologize. I should not have startled you.” Kolivan hits a few buttons on the datapad, and a map of a galaxy springs into existence.  “Do you want to assist me?”  
  
Shiro doesn’t. He’s embarrassed and wants to leave. Kolivan is trying to distract him, it’s obvious. But the idea of going back to the halls, of letting his episode take over again—it’s terrifying. Shiro looks down at his feet, and nods reluctantly before walking over to where Kolivan is leaning over his datapad. It still makes him nervous to stand next to him. Ulaz is tall, but Kolivan towers over both of them. Everytime Kolivan so much as moves, Shiro flinches.  
  
Kolivan doesn’t say anything, though. Instead he reaches out, manipulating the holographic map to expand so the stars and planets are scattered around them. Shiro watches as they move around him, and closes his eyes against the sudden nausea.  
  
“Are you alright?”  
  
“Yeah. Sorry.” Shiro opens his eyes again. The stars have mostly stilled, and now they just drift lazily through the air. He watches as a planet slowly orbits a white dwarf, too far outside of the orbit of the Goldilocks Zone to be anything other than a frozen hunk of matter. It glistens slightly in the dim light of it’s star.  
  
“May I tell you a story?”  
  
Shiro looks up at Kolivan. “What?”  
  
“A story. You have lived with the Galra for a long time. But there is plenty you do not know.”  
  
“What is it about?”  
  
Kolivan looks down at him. “How we came to be.”  
  
Oh. A creation story. Shiro nods, watching as Kolivan returns to his datapad. As Kolivan works, he begins to speak.  
  
“A long time ago, when the Universe was still young, there were only Gods.” His voice is low and calm, and Shiro allows himself to be lulled by it. “They were great and powerful, and fought wars against each other with weapons made of suns and planets. They destroyed worlds in their fury, and rebuilt them just as quickly.” Shiro watches the ice planet continue it’s lazy orbit as he listens. “They could create many things, but only some Gods could create life. Ael was the first one to do it, and she created the Galra. We were small things, on all fours. We were weak, so we could not hunt. We were simple, so we could not speak.”  
  
“She was a kind God, but she was cruel in her kindness. She had left us weak and helpless, and kept us as her children. We were too dependent. Her consort, Exak, became jealous. He found where she had hidden us away, and instead of killing us, gave us teeth and claws. These gifts let us fight, and let us find and kill our own food. He was satisfied with his work. Now we could hunt, and we had no need of Ael anymore. She saw what we had become, and she feared it. She left us alone to hunt our planet and ourselves.”  
  
Kolivan enters a few more numbers into the datapad, and Shiro watches as a fleet of ships appears at the center of the galaxy. So he’s planning strategies, then. Shiro’s eyes drift back to the lonely ice planet. “It was no way to live. Another God, Kar, discovered us and our wretched way of living. He wanted to fix it, but he was foolish. This one gave us the gift of speech, so we could communicate with each other. Still, it was not enough. We had no wisdom behind our words, and so they became another way to battle. Our planet was chaotic, our people angry and frightened.” He looks up at Shiro. “A final God came for us.”  
  
Shiro looks up from the planet, meeting Kolivan’s eyes. There’s a new intensity behind them, and he can’t find the strength to look away.  
  
“This one is the oldest God, the creator of all things, master of the stars and sky. He has no name, because a name is not needed to know him. He looked at us, at our fighting, at our cruelty. He saw how the other Gods had cursed us in their blessings. He saw what his children had created.” Kolivan presses a button, and the fleet disappears. “So he took in a deep breath, and inhaled as much of the cosmos as he could fit into his lungs. Space is old, it is still and patient. It has seen many things, it has been there since the beginning. And so it is the wisest thing of all. And he breathed it into us. He gave us the greatest and oldest knowledge there is. We are the children of many, the servants of none.”  
  
He looks over at Shiro. “Our eyes still glow with the strength of the stars. Many of us have forgotten the old stories, but I remember.” Kolivan stares at Shiro. “You understand that the Lions have elements, correct?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“Do you know the element of your Lion?”  
  
Shiro stiffens. _Oh_. “Space.”  
  
“Space.” Kolivan affirms. “Something that is there, but is not. The lack of existence. You have been given a Lion tied to wisdom and stillness. You have been blessed with knowledge of the most ancient thing in the Universe.”  
  
“I…”  
  
“I understand your fear. What has been done to you cannot be undone or atoned for. But you have been chosen. When you entered the covenant with your Lion, you were given the wisdom of the stars.”  
  
“…Oh.” Shiro says. He shifts uncomfortably. He doesn’t quite know how to respond to that. He’s never been particularly religious. Still, he reaches out through his bond to Black, and feels her gently reach back. She is pleased. He can feel her on the surface, but it’s like a deep ocean. Underneath that, she is unknowable and old. He could drown in it. He prods lightly at the surface.  
  
Kolivan looks over at Shiro, studying him and the way he gazes at the stars. He looks down at his datapad, seemingly satisfied with his work. “I am afraid I must retire.” He says, but he leaves the map on. “Have a good evening, Shiro.”  
  
Shiro nods. “You too. Sleep well.”  
  
Kolivan nods, and walks through the stars to the door of the bridge. Shiro gazes up at the stars and planets hovering around him, at the empty, dark space in between.  
  
“Oh.” Shiro says. “Kolivan.”  
  
He pauses at the door. “Yes?”  
  
Shiro offers him a small smile. “Thank you.”  
  
Kolivan looks at him for a moment, and then gives a sharp nod before leaving. Shiro watches him go, and turns back to the stars. They slowly swirl around the center of the galaxy, twisting and moving. Shiro can still see his ice planet, although it’s drifted away from him, pulled by the gravity of the other planets and the invisible supermassive black hole at the center of it’s galaxy. On this scale, everything looks small, but he knows that his tiny ice planet could dwarf the entire Castle. He knows the black hole could swallow the Milky Way.  
  
Shiro sits down in his chair and watches the galaxy move overhead. He thinks of the old Gods, and floating on the surface of Black’s massive, deep ocean. He thinks of the stars floating above him. He thinks of home.  
  
And as he drifts off, he can feel Black pushing gently against him, like an itch in his brain. _There is so much you know._ She says. _We are older than you can imagine._  
  
He tucks himself into the bond. _I know._ He responds. _I am tired._  
  
_Then sleep._ She tells him. He closes his eyes, and feels himself slipping under the surface of Black’s dark ocean. _Sleep, and I will show you._ Shiro breathes out slowly. He reaches out to her.  
  
_Yes._ He says. _Show me._

**Author's Note:**

> Was listening to the title song while writing the creation story, so you can play it during that part for the ~unique experience~


End file.
